Posted by
SteveJ on Friday, February 15, 2008 12:00:00 AM
ROBBER: This is a stickup. Give me all of your money.
CLERK: Oh, geez. Not again.
ROBBER: Just fill this bag and everything will be OK. I don't want to shoot. I'm ... I'm not that kind of person.
CLERK: Right. I'm sure you're the salt of the earth.
ROBBER: Hey, enough of the sarcasm. I'm only doing this because I care. You don't realize that my intentions here are strictly benevolent.
CLERK: Robbing this store is benevolent?
ROBBER: Yes, and keep filling that bag.
CLERK: Would you mind telling me what's so benevolent about taking the money in this cash register?
ROBBER: Certainly. I'm giving it to people in this neighborhood. Redistributing it. There are families around here who need it more than the store owner needs it.
CLERK: Well, that may be, but it's still the store owner's money.
ROBBER: But he doesn't need all of it, so I'm giving it to others who need it more than he does.
CLERK: Whether others need it more than the store owner, it's still his money. He earned it. The people in this neighborhood may need it, but they aren't entitled to it. Are they?
ROBBER: Just keep filling the bag. And quit complaining. Besides, I'm going to let the store owner keep some of the money, so he shouldn't complain. That is, unless he's greedy.
CLERK: Super. A moral judgment from a stickup man.
ROBBER: Are you almost done?
CLERK: Yeah, yeah. ... Hey, what about the yearly charity that the store owner runs here? During the first week of summer, he donates some of his sales to help fix people's houses on this block. Doesn't that count for anything?
ROBBER: It's not enough. And there's too great an inequity between what the store owner earns and what the families on this block earn -- so I'm here to even things out. Besides, this isn't about charity, it's about justice.
CLERK: Justice? What's so "just" about forcing me to give up the money? And what about you? How much of your own money do you give? Or do you simply dole out other people's hard-earned cash?
ROBBER: Too many questions. Come on! I've got to move.
CLERK: Hold on. Not so fast. You still haven't given me one compelling reason that you can just walk in here and take this money.
ROBBER: I have the gun.
CLERK: Oh.